We don’t just tip our heads back and forth to imply agreement. At Nodding Posse, we have patented a special nod that combines pursed lips, dilated pupils, a proper stance and a suspension of critical thinking. The speed of a nod is key. Nodding too fast implies guilt; nodding too slow, disbelief. At Nodding Posse, we nod at exactly twenty-four nods per minute, lending credence to whatever you say, no matter how batty it might sound inside your head.
Maybe you are a professional athlete who was recently pulled over for driving whilst intoxicated with a Bentley full of women, none of whom were your wife, who was home at the time of your arrest, pregnant with your twins. When you tell the cameras you were not drunk, but instead had an allergic reaction to your bee sting medication; and that you only offered a ride to the girls when their car broke down, and who became partially unclothed when the vehicle swerved on account of that bee that was stinging you—we’ll be there behind you, nodding along at twenty-four nods per minute.